My name is Jharmain Mortimer (Jharr) I am 26 years old. I have suffered with depression since I was 19 years old. I have had some hard times, but I have also been blessed with a beautiful, full time energetic, four year old toddler named Joel! & our beautiful new daughter, Felicity! who came into our world on 3rd July 2014. The hard times have taught me much, & have helped me to become the women & Mummy that I am today. I still have my bad days but I also have my good days. It is the amazing support from family & those few friends that helps me want to fight & become a stronger person. I originally set up my blog so that I had my own bit of personal space to write down feelings! now I try to blog on a daily basis or whenever I can, I mostly like to talk about life in general, the joys of being a Mummy & wife, & how I live my life day to day coping with the ups & downs of Depression. I would like to think that any other Mums & Dads out there that suffer with depression & are reading my blog, find that it is helpful to them in some way or another because after all, depression isn't anything to be ashamed of. I like to be fairly open on alot of my topics because it is one of my ways that I find helps me to cope. People that choose to name call & label me for having a Blog are only defining themselves. :)

Always remember; Depression isn't weakness, nor is it anything to be ashamed of. depression is a sign of strength, because it means no matter how weak your mind might be to you, your heart is still strong enough to feel. hold your head up high & be proud of who you are! ~

Monday, 15 September 2014

Diary Post #61. (Happy 4th Birthday Joel.)

Dear Diary.. 

I can't believe that my beatutiful little boy is now 4 years old, what an amazing weekend it has been. Joel has had an amazing birthday weekend, I have honestly never seen a little boy as loved as he is! aswell as toys from me & his daddy, he also got new clothes, dvds & £40's in money from the family. The boy has that many toys that we weren't sure what to let him do with his birthday money, some of the family mentioned putting it into a savings account for him, but then me & Neil both just looked at each other & I swear it was really crazy how we both had the exact same idea! we have decided to put £40-£50 (depending on how much it costs) toward the money Joel already has & finally get him that 6ft trampoline for the back garden that he's been after for a very long time now! ;) we haven't told him, & were hoping to find one & have it within the next couple of weeks so that we can surprise him with it. He doesn't understand what birthday money is, so we think this is a fantastic idea for him!

yesterday (14.09.2014) we had Joel's birthday party & it was a fantastic day, he had a great time with his friends & all of the family! I still cant quite believe that my beautiful little boy is now 4 years old.

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Diary Enteries. #60.

Dear Diary... 

Four years ago today (11.09.2010) was my due date with Joel, I should of been going into hospital to be induced but they had no cots free in neonatal so I was made to wait another day before I was induced. I remember being absolutely gutted, i'd had enough & was so ready to meet my boy. then when the 12th came I was finally taken in to be induced, but even then I endured a 24 hour labour, one hour & half pushing, failed forceps & then a emergency section before our boy finally arrived. & even though it was the most traumatic labor/birth, I would do it again in a heartbeat, because hearing him scream the theatre down when we weren't even sure if he'd breathe on his own & the nurse placing him in my arms for the first time was the most amazing feeling in the world, something I will never ever forget. I remember seeing the fight in my boys eyes & I was so proud of him, & from that very moment, I always have & always will be.

On Saturday our beautiful boy turns 4 years old. he is & always will be my miracle, my little warrior! he has fought all the way & has come through so much in the past 4 years & now he is growing up & turning into such a healthy, handsome little boy! we can't wait to celebrate his 4th birthday with him, a milestone that 4 years ago we were uncertain as to weather it would be something we'd even get to see!! We are so proud of you Joel & we love you with all our hearts.♥♥

We hope we make you proud too & that you have an amazing birthday on Saturday, & an even better party on Sunday.

Friday, 29 August 2014

Three positives a day.... Day 34.

Day 34. 

1,2 &3.) 

These 8 week jabs have knocked my ladybug for 6! she's been sleeping most of the day on & off & when she is awake she is so groggy! & to think she's got another 2 sets to come yet.. she's had 9oz of milk all day today &1oz of water & I keep freaking thinking that she's not had enough & she'll dehydrate & get really ill!! whoever said when you're a mum second time round its easy because you remember everything is talking bollocks!! Felicity is soo different to Joel, when he had his 8 week jabs even though he slept a lot you could guarentee he'd be awake bang on feed time, because he was & still is, a huge pig!! Felicity on the other hand only just takes 5oz, sometimes she takes 4oz & at 8 week old Joel was on 7-8oz! so, totally different! 

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Three positives a day.... Day 32.

Positives of the day. 

Day 32. 

1,2 & 3)

Today I visited my doctor to speak about my low moods. After a long chat & me telling her what has been happening, we decided that the best course of action was for me to go back onto my medication for a little while.. at first I felt like this was defeat because I worked so hard to get off my medication, but then I looked at it from another angle, when I was pregnant with Joel, I wasn't diagnosed with post natal depression until he was 8 months old, I was too scared to see a doctor, & by the time I did, I was an absolute complete mess! 

This time round though, I have noticed the signs myself & actually had the courage to go & ask for help! This to me is a win! I will stay in charge of my moods, even if that means being on medication, it's not the end of the world, & i'd rather be a happy mum thats medicated than a miserable one who isnt. <3


Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Three positives a day... Day 31.

Positives for the day. 

Day 31. 

1,2 & 3.) 

After 2 years, today Joel's case was closed with his speech therapist! she thinks his speech has come on amazingly & she doesnt have any concerns whatsoever & therefore didnt think there was any reasons for seeing him again! he was proper chatting her head off today & out of 100 flash cards he only struggled with one! i'm so proud of my boy.. 

Thumbs up for no more speech therapy! #proudmummy

Monday, 25 August 2014

Three positives a day.... Day 30.

Positives of the day. 

Day 30.

1) Today has been a snuggle up on the sofa & do nothing day, we've literally just spent the day watching tv & snuggling. 

2) Found myelf getting really stressed out this afternoon because Felicity has literally done nothing but cry, so instead of breaking down & bawling my eyes out, I took myself off into the kitchen for 5 minutes, took a deep breathe, & then went back into the livingroom to sort her out, really quite proud of myself. 

3) its the middle of August & i've had my heating on! had to put all the clothes on the radiators due to the naff weather outside.

Here is a picture of my beautiful creations having a cuddle.. I love how protective of Felicity Joel is! 

Sunday, 24 August 2014

Three positives a day.... Day 29.

Positives for the day. 

Day 29. 

1.) Today I did the ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE for the MND (ALS) charity & I also donated £3 ($5)  

2) Got my grass cut in the garden today for the first time in 2 weeks (yey me) keeping busy stops me thinking & not thinking stops the bad mood trying to get in 

3) Altogether, it has been a lovely relaxed Sunday with my little family. 

Here is a picture of my babies in their knitted hats! do excuse my naked son, he has a habit of stripping off at the moment!  I do try my best to keep him clothed, honest! 

Saturday, 23 August 2014

Three positives a day.... Day 28.

Positives for the day. 

Day 28. 

Today was a good day. Although we've had a rough couple of days with Felicity suffering with her reflux we still managed to get out of the house today, we decided on taking Joel to Mcdonalds for his lunch, his first ever one! Four years old almost & he's never had a Mcdonalds, well today he wanted one, he just kind of announced it, so it was a case of, well we wana get out of the house so lets do it. :D

Whilst at Mcdonalds, Joel noticed there was a staff member doing face painting, so of course, he then wanted his face painting ^_^ after we'd queued in line for what felt like forever, Joel finaly got a tiger painted on his face & then we took a stroll around town before heading home!

This evening has been spent feeding Felicity every 2 hours because I think she's going through her 6 weeks growth spurt (Y) fabulous haha ;) <3

Here is a picture of Joel's finished face painting. A tiger.

Friday, 22 August 2014

Three positives a day... Day 27.

Positives of the day.

Day 27. 

1, 2 & 3.) I didnt have my babies at home with me today, they went out with their auntie claire (my husbands sister) at around 11.30am & didnt come home until 5.30pm, so I got to have my very first "childfree day" since having Felicity & I can tell you, it was very strange, as much as I tried to "enjoy the peace" as they say, I was sat twiddling my thumbs after an hour or so! ^_^ I did however manage to grab a long hot bubble bath on my own which was AMA-ZING ;) I also did some straightning up around the house & went food shopping.. which again, was weird on my own! ;) 

still my babies are home again now, Joel has been telling me all about the farm they visited today & the two parks that he got to play in! :D He's now snuggled up in bed & I have a very wriggly Felicity laid in her moses basket next to me coo'ing away. :D

Here is a picture of my babies this morning before they left on their day out.. Joel telling Felicity a "sonic story" whilst I got her bottle ready. The pure love he has for her is so beautiful. I am so proud of him, he's an awesome big brother! <3

Thursday, 21 August 2014

Three positives a day.... Day 26.

Positives for the day. 

Day 26. 

1) Spent some time with the mother in law this afternoon, Joel loves time with his nanna! :D

2) Felicity's reflux wedge arrived yesterday & we had the BEST night's sleep that we've had altogether since she was born! <3 

3) Today i'm feeling much more happier, but I am still making an appointment with my doctor next week.. after the past couple of days, I definetely think I need to bring it up with him & see what he suggests, no ignoring it this time just because i'm having a good day. (Y)

Here is a picture of Joel doing some painting! He has no tshirt on, because my son has a habit of getting paint EVERYWHERE! ;)