Saturday, 16 July 2016

#BRAVETHESHAVE for Macmillan Cancer Support.




Dear Diary...

Today me & Joel "braved the shave" & went bald for Macmillan Cancer Support.  I cannot even put into words of how PROUD I am of Joel today.. The boy is 5 years old & he decided all by himself 2 weeks ago that he wanted to shave his head with me today to 'raise money for poorly boys & girls' - his words! 

He is the most selfless, loving & caring little boy I have ever known, & I am not just saying this because 'he's my son' its true! he's amazing & it actually brought a tear to my eye in the hair dressers today when he was doing something HE wanted to do, just to help others!

I am seriously the PROUDEST mum in the entire world!! I love you Joelybum!πŸ’›πŸŽ—πŸŽ—




So far we have managed to raise an awesome, £165 for Macmillan! & we are hoping to reach our target, which is set at £200.. Our Just Giving Page will be running until October time, & can be found HERE.. so if you would like to donate & help us to reach our target, just click the link & donate as much or as little as you would like! it doesn't matter what it is, because every penny counts, & it is all for an amazing cause!

I would also like to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone who has donated to us so far, it really does mean the absolute world.  

Friday, 15 July 2016

Network Marketing... Some people are just too much.



Dear Diary...

- this last 3 months have taught me so much.. but the main thing it has taught me, is that time is too precious..
As much as it broke my heart at the time, I am so glad I am no longer with Younique, because it's only NOW I am seeing just how much time I didn't spend with my kids! yesterday I went for a long walk with Joel to catch Pokemon.. we were only out for an hour & half but it made his day & he hasn't stopped talking about it since!πŸ‘¦ don't get me wrong, I love doing Acti-Labs & Jamberry, but all these network marketers that are saying 'if you can spend hours chasing Pokemon then you can build a business' its bollocks! I can chase Pokemon AND build my business, I shouldn't have to give up my life & time spent with my children just because I run a network marketing business, that isn't how it should be!πŸ‘Œ
My children are my WORLD, & they come before anything & anyone... I would much rather spend hours apon hours chasing Pokemon with my son around the streets laughing & being happy any day! because when it comes down to it, THAT is all that matters, spending my time with my children & making memories!πŸ‘¦πŸ‘§
I have seriously had my eyes opened to how ridiculously "serious" some people take network marketing... so much so, that they go on a friggin power trip! & for me, if it affects the relationship I have with my kids then I don't want it. I have barely been 'working my businesses' of late due to being poorly, & the fact that I have been spending time with my children.😍
I finally now know, it was YOUNIQUE & the people that I associated with & thought where my friends, that stressed me out with their constant pressures of, 'you must do this, you must do that to succeed' & I was so "brainwashed" that I actually believed that was how it should have been, when it's not..πŸ™‹
I have had many successes in my life, my children being the main one! I do my network marketing for me, & when I want to work my businesses, (which I find Acti-Labs & Jamberry to be perfect for my crazy Mummy life) I can do them when I want to do it, & not when others tell me too!!πŸ–•πŸ˜‚
THAT is how it should be done.. its called "Network Marketing" because it's supposed to be stress & carefree, & the stone cold truth of it is, the stress & pressure Younique put me under made me seriously poorly from trying to be something i'm not, they didn't care about me or "my business", they only cared for themselves! being on a power trip over an online business might be how some people get their kicks, but this Mum it way more laid back & carefree to be anything like that, & to be honest, I don't want to be anything like that! let them "go to the top" i'm more than happy down here living my life, I survived perfectly fine long before network marketing came along & brainwashed people, & I will carry on to do so! when the time comes & I actually get some time to be able to have a job, I would much rather go out into the real world & get a real job, meet new people in the flesh & not through a computer screen deluding myself & making out its the best thing ever.
I would much rather be upfront about the failures in my life, rather than fake perfection, it's just NOT me! & these people do this for what? MONEY!! it's actually really sad! & unfortunately, I was one of these gullible people that "experienced" this, to then realize..
well shit, it's actually a load of absolute bollocks.πŸ™‹πŸ™‹πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Tuesday, 5 July 2016

Felicity Rae-Ellen, turns 2 years old.


Dear Diary.. 

For the past couple of weekends we have been celebrating my beautiful little ladybug's second birthday. on 25th June, we had her birthday party at my mother in laws house, one week before her birthday, this was due to my mother & father in law being due to fly to Austria on 4th July, the day after Felicity's actual birthday, so instead, so that all the family could celebrate with her, we had her party the weekend before her actual birthday. 



We celebrated at my husbands parents house (due to them having a bigger garden than us) & it turned out to be a lovely day, a few of Felicity's friends from nursery also turned up, alongside family & she had the best day, playing in the garden with friends, opening presents & stuffing her face! 



Felicity loved her dad, she received a lot of presents from her friends & some family that wouldn't be seeing her on her actual birthday.. she was truly spoilt.



At the end of the party after all Felicity's friends had gone home, my mum in law put on a BBQ for the family, as we all don't get to see each other all that much these days, so Felicity's party was the perfect occasion to crack open some alcoholic beverages & have some family time. 



A week later we celebrated my beautiful girls 2nd Birthday.. for reals, I was really surprised at how excited she was & how much she actually knew what was going on around her! she is so intelligent for the age of 2 years old, so much more developed than her lazy big brother was at that age ;) 


I think this year Joel suffered with his first experience of a slight bit of jealousy.. but Felicity was more than happy to let him help her open her presents, so he soon got over it. I just love how caring my children are towards each other & how much they love to be involved in everything each other is doing.. makes me feel so blessed, there may well be an almost 4 year age gap between them, but that just makes it so much more special because Joel is always there to look out for Felicity & she always looks up to her big brother & never leaves him out. 

 


The morning was spent with Joel & Felicity engrossed in playing with all of Felicity's new toys & I think it is safe to say, their favorite toy to play with together has to be the Elephant ball popper we bought, they have had hours of fun laughing their arses off at it already. 




In the afternoon, the in laws came over for a few hours to give Felicity her presents & basically to see the kids before they jetted off to Austria in the early hours of Monday morning! they spend a few hours with us, playing with Joel & Fliss in the garden, & we also did cake too!! although she had a cake for her party, I also wanted one for her birthday too, so I got the lady who does my childrens cake each year to do me two cakes, one for her party & then a smaller one for her actual birthday, & it was so pretty... & yummy!




Just before tea time we said goodbye to Nanna & Granddad & then Joel & Felicity went to play in the garden & wait for the ice cream van... come on, what's a birthday without cake AND ice cream? ;) we then spent the next hour playing in the garden, Joel & Felicity have scooter races & me, falling on my arse trying to get pictures.... no, sorry, I don't have any pictures of that "incident" 

Overall Felicity had an amazing birthday & when bedtime rolled around, which was just slightly later than her usual time, because she was having for much fun, daddy had no problems getting her settled... he didnt even get chance to finish their "bedtime song" before she was snoring softly.
































Tuesday, 14 June 2016

Married for 8 years today - WOW.




- 8 years ago today you made me the happiest girl in the world when I became your wife, & ever since you have always been there, you lift me up when I am down, you wipe my tears when I cry & you encourage me in everything I do!😘

I love you so much, thank you for picking me out of I don't know how many woman onlineπŸ˜‚ I love you with all my heart, forever & always. Happy anniversary babe.πŸ’πŸ’–πŸ’– I can't believe I have been married to you 8 years today!πŸ’ we have had our ups & downs like every couple does, but every time we only come out stronger, even when I abused you with fish fingers!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I love you so much, here's to the next 8 years baby!πŸ’‘πŸ’–πŸ’–

Friend or Foe?




Dear Diary...

There is nothing worse than thinking you have a made a decent friend in someone when really, you never did, especially when they fall out with you for something so minor & rather pathetic. 

Joanne Simpson who I thought was a friend - she has shown her true side now & well I can tell you, she's malicious & nasty! she has been down to our boys school this week & tried telling their teacher a pack of utter bullshit, just so that they can't play together anymore, talk about cruel. she told their teacher that they had a falling out YET the teacher didn't understand because they boys play lovely together at school! so then both myself & my husband sat down with Joel's teacher & told her all about what had happened & how Joanne is holding a grudge against me & using her son as a weapon getting him to say stuff to Joel & have him come home upset. 

What sort of "mother" does this? 

I actually can't fucking stand parents like that.. so Joel's teacher is going to be ENCOURAGING the boys friendship because whether she is his mother or not, Joanne has no right meddling in her son's friendships because she's got a chip on her shoulder, it's just fucking wrong on so many levels. no 5 year old should be dragged into such horrible childish games. although, this morning when I dropped Joel off in school, it did give me great pleasure chatting with her son & Joel whilst they explained the beach house shop to me, whilst his mother stood seething, because she daren't say anything to my face! one word; coward. I am not going to stop talking to her son just because she is a bell-end & likes to use her kids as weapons! no wonder none of them have a dad around with her as a mother. 

This all started because Joanne placed an order with me when I was doing Younique, only anyone who does Younique will know that Liquid Foundation was none existant from Nov-April, & Joanne wanted that & I couldn't get her any, so instead, I offered to refund her, which she "seemed" happy about - but then she disappeared off the face of the earth, she wasnt seen at school for around a month, her son wasn't even in school, & then the first time I did see her again, she asked me about the money & so I went round her house to give her it, because I wanted to clear the air, but instead, because she's such a coward, she sent her smack head fella to the door, he started gobbing off & calling me a thief, a cunt, ect, I mean how am I a thief exactly? I think they both need to look in a dictionary... she wasn't around for me to give her the money back & I was stood at her door with her money in my hand, yet still, I was a thief...... okay then?!!!! since this, she has been sending me text messages continuing to call me a thief & such, yet when she sees me on the school run does she say anything? no! she keeps her mouth shut because she's a coward & knows if she did say anything I would lay the cunt out. gobby little arse-bandit. she speaks to other people's children in the school playground like shit, she smokes weed around her 5 year old son which then makes him ill & he's off school for god knows how long... probably until she's not too high to walk him there! YET, she claims to have problems with her liver. LOLπŸ˜‚

I did let all of this just ride over my head, until she brought my son into it, then she made it personal. I have now told her that if her son calls me a thief to Joel just one more time, I will be taking it further with the school & it will be classed as bullying.. I mean the kid is only following in his mothers foot steps after all, & if he's seeing her acting like a twat, than of course he is going to copy! some people shouldn't have kids! she wouldn't know how to be a role model if it smacked her in the teeth! getting high & being a 24-7 cunt is not good parenting. 

This is the second time I have tried to sort things with Joanne now, first time I was in a friends kitchen & Joanne was talking to me absolutely fine, told me to forget about it all - probably putting on a show for this other friend - who is clearly blind, because this friend has now taken Joanne's side, even though she claims to have not taken sides! I was good enough for her to hang out with & bitch about Joanne to when she was AWOL, but now that she is back on the scene i'm dropped & not good enough? well, she can fuck off too! the two faced cow. i'm not having my son round people like that, he deserves better. they're both as bad as each-other, up each-others arses like flies round shit, claiming to be "besties" biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. but as far as I am concerned she can go fuck herself sideways with a joint, the stupid scruffy runt. Joanne is just a spiteful messed up cow that needs to do some growing up, because one of these days she's guna get lippy with the wrong person & well, I hope I am there to see that!


she's like what, in her 30's & she's down at the school telling lies to the teachers just because she doesn't have her junkie boyfriend to protect her anymore.... what an utter loser. total & complete arse-bandit.
πŸ˜‚






Monday, 6 June 2016

Race For Life 2016 - At Temple Newsam, Leeds.


Dear Diary..

On Sunday 5th June 2016, I did the race for life with my mother in law. My first time doing it in 2 years due to last year I was recovering from 3 lots of brain surgery, & the year before I was 38 weeks pregnant with my daughter Felicity. It was an amazing day & I loved every second of it, & as usual, I cannot wait for next year. 


We set off for Temple Newsam in Leeds where the event was being held at 10am, the race started at 11am, it took us approx 20 minutes to get there, & when we did, the atmosphere was utter electric. so many people had turned up to join in this fantastic & amazing event, it was literally A SEA OF PINK! an army of women all raising money for the same thing. to kill Cancer. we did a warm up which was so much fun, everyone bouncing around & dancing, completely buzzing with excitement, it is definitively one occasion I am was proud to be apart of. we then all set off at 11am. first the runner went, then the joggers shortly behind & then us, the walkers, following behind the joggers. 




The weather couldn't have turned out any better. it was a gorgeous day & everyone was in such high spirits, you could hear people chatting among themselves, some where chanting & sitting & others where laughing & telling jokes! my & my mum in got talking about all sorts, the best time for a good natter & a catch up! we got to the huge hill, the one thing I was wuite worried about, I wasnt sure that I would get up it, because like I said, I hadn't done it for 2 years, & its really rather a big big hill! but I did it, with even realizing, my mum in law said to me, well we're the top & I was like "eh, what?" & when I looked back we had walked all the way to the top, & I was so busy talking I hadn't even thought about it. 



whilst we walking we also past some cows, that were very friendly, & where all stood at the gate watching us as we walked b, so I plodded over & took some pictures, as you do.. & then we carried on walking & before I knew it, we were near the flower gardens, about 15 minutes away from the finish line, we had almost one it, I had almost done it, & I hadn't even broken a sweat! we finally got to the finish line & awaitng us was my father in law, my husband & our two children at the barriers clapping us on.. Joel & fliss wanted to finish with us, so they climbed over the barriers & crossed the finish line with us! it was immense! at te finish line I got a bottle of water (I was thirsty as mad) a little snack & my medal!




I am so proud of myself, especially after everything that I have been through myself in the last 16 months, when you put your own health problems to aside, just for one day, to do something for hundreds of other people out there suffering & fighting a fight that is so much bigger & worse than yours, it feels absolutely amazing! 

I cannot wait for 16th July 2016, when I will be taking part in my second charity event & shaving my head for Macmillan Cancer Suppport, so keep your eyes peeled for that post, 

& thank you for taking the time to read this one! Xxx 























Wednesday, 1 June 2016

- Living life with Hydrocephalus - The story behind my scars.



On September 30th, 1987 I was born at 27 & half weeks. I was born so early, my lungs weren't properly formed & were therefore just a huge mass that didn't work. My placenta also came away inside my mothers womb, so I was actually born dead. Thankfully surgeons manage to get my heart beating again, but I suffered a 50% ventricular brain hemorrhage & it was a race against time to save my life. was born in Barrow in Furness, Cumbria, & after they managed to get me breathing & stable again I was then transferred over to Leeds General infirmary by ambulance were I was to undergo major brain surgery to get a vp-shunt placed in my head to start helping drain the excess fluid from my brain (hydrocephalus) which was caused by the brain bleed. The journey to Leeds was 3 hours long, to which a paramedic spent the whole time hand pumping air into my lungs with a bag to keep me alive because they were so fragile that if they had of used a machine my lungs would have quite literally blown up! Once I arrived at Leeds I had to have a procedure called a Shunt Tap that meant a needle was placed into the center of my brain to ease the pressure & release as much fluid as possible before I had surgery. I was only a few hours old when this was done. I then had to go through a 9 hour surgery to get the shunt placed into my skull so that it could do the job of draining the fluid. Altogether I spent 7 months in Leeds General Neonatal Unit recovering from a brain hemorrhage & having major brain surgery! I was one very sick baby, but I manage to pull through & I am here to tell my story. 

***
When I was 16 years old, doctors told were going to operate & remove the bottom lobes of both my lungs, but when they did xrays it was revealed that my bronchiectasis was spread right throughout both of my lungs so nothing could be done. I don't really know many people who are adults & live with this disease, I tend to know of friends who have babies with it, so I don't tend to talk about it. Today I am almost 29 years old, & although I have been left with severe lung disease for the rest of my life, & I also live with two fully working vop-shunts in my brain draining excess CSF Fluid (Cerebal Spinal Fluid) off my brain, I don't let things define or defeat me.. well at least I try. I live my life to the fullest as you really don't know what is around each corner. Ever since I was a baby, I have always had my mum by my side throughout all of my brain surgeries, so having to go through four surgeries alone, all on my own last year was really quite terrifying! of course though, my mum was constantly on the phone to my husband being updated, & she even phoned the neurology ward herself a few times especially seen as she knew exactly what it would be that they were doing! but I still cant imagine how hard it must have been for her being over 100+ miles away from me whilst I was going through all that on my own - I know it would break my heart if it was any of my children. They definitely don't call it "Mummy intuition" for nothing, if I hadn't of called my mum to have a winge about my headaches a few days before, & she hadnt of urged me to go to hospital, I may-well have not been here writing this today. I love my mum, & even when we are hundreds of miles apart she is still there, keeping me safe & looking after me. 

On Monday 26th January 2015, I phoned my mum for our usual natter, but I got talking about how i'd had a headache for almost 3 days & that an unusal lump had developed under my shunt valve & that it was getting bigger, I didn't think it was anything too serious to be honest, & I was just going to go to bed & then call the doctor in the morning, but the urgency in my mums voice actually scared me, she told me to call an ambulance right away & get to the hospital, so I did just that. when I got to A+E everything happened really quite fast, I was rushed off for a CT Scan, & within just a few hours I was face to face speaking to a neurosurgeon (Mr Thomson) who was telling me that my shunt had broken & blocked & that I needed to go down to theater straight away to have it fixed. He then left to scrub & a nurse entered to put a canular in my arm & I just totally broke down - this was the first time that I had ever done this alone, & 27 years old or not, I was terrified of being put to sleep. I was then taken down for my first lot of surgery at 2am early hours Tuesday morning, & then later that day, I was rushed down again (so 2 surgeries within 12 hours) because the shunt wasnt positioned properly so wasnt draining like it should of been doing. I was still suffering a headache, & by this point I had started to vomit too.  To be honest though, I dont quite remember much of what happened after that.... I was way too out of it & poorly, although the one thing I do remember is a nurse telling me that she was going to put me a cathetor in because I kept wetting the bed! o.O wtf? Wednesday morning rolled round & after 2 lots of surgery I was actually feeling quite good. although I was still having that pain in the arse headache so I just spent the day resting up & sleeping & if my CT scan came back okay on Thursday then I could go home. ONly on Thursday morning, I woke up feeling nauseousm I couldnt face eating & I could barely lift my head off the bed without vomiting, so I was placed on "nil by mouth" & monitored for the rest of the day which I spent either crying in pain or sleeping. (fun) at around 3pm I was taken for another CT scan, which revealed that my shunt had again blocked, so Mr Thomson made the decision that he was going to fix my shunt AGAIN but also place a second shunt on the left side of my head just behind my ear because one on its own wasnt handling the extra accumulation of CFS fluid & kept blocking under the strain. This meant that I had now been through 3 brain surgeries in as little as 3 days. I went down to theater around 5pm on Thursday evening & when I came back round properly, I was back on the wars & it was 1..45pm! I remember this so clearly because for the first time since being admitted on Monday I didn't have a headache! I kept telling the nurse,, I don't have a headache, thats good right? & thankfully she agreed. I slept right through Thursday night & was told it was the most peaceful the nurses had seen me! Friday morning I was gorggy & a bit dizzy from the drugs, but still no headache (yey) & I was starving! I totally demolished four pieces of toast, 3 cups of tea, & 2 bowls of cereal! I had another ct scan Friday morning & finally, it revealed that everything was working as it should be! so I was also told that if I was ready, I could go home later that day. I was discharged Friday 30th January in the evening & my husband & father in law came to collect me from the hospital.


I was back at home for 10 days,  & around day 6, I had noticed that the area around my stomach scaring had swelled, I asked a nurse about it when I went to have my head stitches out & she didn't seem concerned - or even arsed when I think back now! then on Tuesday 9th February, I sat on the sofa with my husband to watch a film & all we heard was a giant POP & suddenly I was soaked in fluid.. my husband joked at first & asked me if I was pregnant & if my waters had just gone.... I was literally dripping the scaring was leaking & it wasn't stopping, it was running like a tap!so again I phoned my mum for her advice & she said to go back upto the hospital, so off I went... again! as soon as I got there, I was sent straight up to the neurology ward where a ct scan & an xray was done, by this point I totally knew what was coming & that I was going back down to theater! great! my fourth operation in as little as 15 days! I was told that the tubing that runs from my brain & into my bladder had dislodged & was sitting just above my stomach cavity & so the fluid that was draining off my brain was then building up behind my scar & that is why it split. Had I not once again listened to my mum, & gone to the hospital it could have been very dangerous & had an infection got in there it would of had a clear run straight up the tube & to my brain! very scary. At 1am Tuesday morning I was taken into theater & whilst I was there it took surgeons 7.5 hours to fix me, but thankfully they didn't have to go back into my head & do a full revision & were able to just fix the tubes, my tubes are now stitched into a main vein in my stomach so that they cant pop out again! On Wednesday I was plagued with headaches due to them wiggling everything about & disturbing my tubes, so I spent the majority of the day sleeping, but then I woke up Thursday I was feeling loads better, I awt breakfast, I got up & sat in the chair & I even managed to have a little shower to freshen myself up! then when the doctors came round they said that if I felt ready I could go home - again! 



I have now beaten my personal record of surgery's on my shunt, I have been down to theatre 3 times before in just a few days, but never 4 times! I am now 16 months post op, & to be honest, its been hellish! I have not had a single break for migraines! I have been in & out of the Neurology ward a few times but nothing has shown up on scans to say anything is wrong, so I am basically living like this at the moment, I went to my GP last week May 2016) & I asked him to change my migraine medication because it just wasn't working anymore & the worst thing happened..... He has decided that it would be best all round if I am referred back to my neurosurgeon as from the symptoms I have given him, he doesnt want to prescribe me anything different just in case it is due to my shunts in slow failure. great) so I am now awaiting an appointment, spending the majority of my days sleeping in bed due to huge amounts of pressure in my head & migraines that come & go, nausea, serious memory loss & dizzy spells! oh how it's fun being me. 


One day is all I ask, just one day where I am headache free... is that really too much to ask? fingers crossed this appointment comes through soon, because I really am almost at the end of my rope... i've had enough!