Thursday, 26 March 2015

Diary post #86. **I got the all clear**

This just about fits my mood when I walked out of the hospital this afternoon!

Dear Diary, 

Today I had my "six weeks check" with the surgeon who did all of my surgery's to fix my shunt in January & February & I am over the moon to tell you all that today he discharged me! I also found out that I actually have two fully working shunts in my head now that is draining excess fluid from my brain.. it was revealed after my second operation that just the one shunt wasnt working as it was taking on too much fluid so it kept blocking & this is why I was given a third surgery to have a shunt placed in the left side of my head, & apparently having two working shunts is very rare, so I kinda feel really cool.. all of this also means that I DEFINETELY get to travel home & see my family in April, yeeyy. I can't even explain the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders this afternoon..I was able to ask questions that have been worrying me & I just feel so much better. 

This whole appointment has clearly been bothering me more than I actually knew, because when I walked out of that hospital I just felt so happy & for the past few days I have been a nervous wreck! so now I can get on with life & relax. I told him about the headaches I have been having & I also explained that I am waiting on some glasses, so he asked me to describe my headaches to him, & thank god he didnt seem concerned in the slightest, but he did tell me that I needed to know that there is a 30% chance that a shunt can fail within the first year of it being put in, but he's confident enough that he doesnt need to see me again, & if anything does go wrong then I am not to call my doctor, but to call the ward that I was on after my surgerys & they will sort me out straight away, which was very reassuring, & in all honesty I think that is all I have needed, just some reasurance because now I feel great & feeling great feels good. 

Giveaway with Parental Journey.

Today I recieved a message from Marina at Parental Journey asking me if I wanted to join in with a GIVEAWAY that she was doing on her page! of course I accepted & now I want to share it with you guys... 

you can join in with Parental Journeys giveaway by clicking here...

Also, don't forget to follow Parental Journey's blog here.

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

Diary Post #85 ~ 6 weeks check... finally ~

Dear Diary.. 

I am now 8 weeks post first surgery.. & because I was taken back into hospital for a four surgery in Febuary, I haven't yet had my "6 weeks check" this is what will be happening tomorrow afternoon (Wednesday) I have an appointment with the guys who did my shunt surgeries.. & I am not going to lie, I am really nervous. I have been feeling really agitated & low all day because I have been convincing myself that when I do go he is going to tell me that something is wrong & I am not going to be coming home.. 

I am not going to lie, I have been having a lot of headaches recently, BUT I am also waiting on new glasses, which I can collect on Saturday after having my sight test yesterday (Tuesday) but I have also been having nausea & shooting pains in my shunt tubing.. I am kinda hoping that this is all just my tube expanding now that everything is beginning to settle down, I really don't think I could go through anymore surgery. 

I am just really hoping that I get the all clear so that I can finally travel home & see my family.. please keep your fingers crossed for me. 

Friday, 20 March 2015

Diary post #84! *I got FEATURED - 25+ Indoor Activities by Parental Journey.*

Dear Diary.. 

I am so excited & so thrilled that I could actually burst. 

A few days ago Marina from Parental Journey asked me if I would like to join in along with other fellow bloggers on an article that she was writing about indoor activities with your children.

You can check out her brilliant article here & find out what Joel's favorite activity is.

I would like to thank Marina from the bottom of my heart for considering me to be apart of her blog. It is an amazing opportunity, one that I shall definetely never be forgetting any time soon. 

Follow Parental Journey's blog here..

Thursday, 19 March 2015

A MUST Follow :)


Hey guys & girls this is my best friend Katie Wearing & she is trying her very hardest to spread awareness for her life long condition that is EDS (Elders Danlos Syndrome) I would very much appreciate it, as would Katie i'm sure. If you could please check out her blog pages & Facebook pages.. 

I have supplied all the links below, don't forget to punch that "like" button guys.. please :) 

Facebook Pages:

Blog Pages: 

Monday, 16 March 2015

Diary Post #83. - Mothers Day 2015.

Mothering Sunday 2015. 

Dear Diary.. 

Yesterday (Sunday 15th March 2015) in the UK we celebrated Mothering Sunday. (Mothers Day) I felt truly spoilt, I was given a sleep in until 11am & then I was greeted by my 4 year old son banging on my bedroom door shouting, "Mummy wake up, it's Mothers Day" so I opened my bedroom to find him stood with a cheesy grin on his face & holding two handmade cards that him & his sister had done at nursery... this was really the best thing ever, & really put a smile on my face! 

In the afternoon my brother in law came over & took Joel out for a few hours to give us a little break (Felicity was sleeping) so I snuggled up on the sofa with my kindle & read my book.. it was lovely. then when Joel came home, he ran into the kitchen holding on to a bunch of flowers & shouting "Happy Mothers Day" it was so sweet of him, & very kind of my brother in law to take him off our hands for a few hours.. 

Around tea time we went around to Neils parents house for our usual Sunday visit & we gave Joel a card & a box of chocolates to give to his nanna & we told him to say "Happy Nanna's Day" & then he ran off up her front street all excited to give his nanna her card & present. 
All in all, yesterday was a really nice day, & when I think about what I have been through in the past few months, I know that I am so lucky to be here & that I actually got the chance to spend Mothers Day with my two beautiful children. 

I know yesterday was probably really hard for a lot of people, myself included. so I made sure that I let all of my Angel mums know that I was thinking of them too. I also sent a little message up to heaven to my own angel who grew his/her wings on 28/11/09. forever in my heart. I don't talk about you to many people, but I am always thinking about you. 

My Little Peanut. 
I love you. Xxx

Saturday, 14 March 2015

Having children & living with Depression.

When I was growing up I always said; "i'm never going to get depressed" but little did I know at the time, that nobody chooses to suffer with depression, depression chooses them. 

I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 19 years old. I had just moved to Leeds (UK) to live with my Fiance, & for a few weeks my moods had been serverely low, I was snapping at everyone for the slightest things & I couldnt get the nasty thoughts out of my head that were drowning my brain. It wasn't until Neil's family witnessed one of my outbursts, (all because Neil opened a packet of my crisps without asking) I then had a long chat with my sister in law, I explained the best I could to her how I was feeling & she told me to go to the doctors, & it is since that moment that I have been fighting this battle. 

I am now almost 28 years old, & over the years I have had a lot of ups & downs, I have suffered with Post Natal Depression twice, the first time being a lot worse than the second. I didn't know or understand what was going on with me, I thought I was supposed to feel happy & overjoyed that I had just had a beautiful little boy, but I didn't. I just felt dread. I spent 8 months suffering because I didn't have the guts to walk into the doctors & admit that I wasn't coping, but after travelling home to see family & having one of my "episodes" on my sister, my mum sent me packing back to Leeds & demanded I went to the doctors, so I did, & after speaking with the doctor & him scoring me a 19 on a questionaire I was placed on a high dose of medication for PND, & ever since then I have been learning to live with my condition whilst bringing up my two children! I do however feel like I have improved over the past 2 years, but it has taken me a heck of a long time to get to where I am. I have been on medication since 2010 now, & in 2012 I hit a really bad patch, so I was also referred for councilling too. I didnt think it was working back then, but now I see that it really has.

I have only been a Mummy of two for 8 months, & I know in my heart that compared to a few years ago I deal with things a heck of a lot better now. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days were depression tries to take over, but i'm lucky, because I have my husband by my side & I also have his amazingly family to support me. along with my health visitor & my friends. I really didnt think I was going to cope when I was pregnant in 2014.. I was so anxious & nervous, but I know now that I am a great mum to both of my children & that if I carry on this battle, depression will never defeat me. 

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Diary Post #83. *Memories*

Dear Diary.. 

It was September 2004, the year I left school & started barrow 6form. I had always dreamed of getting into 6form, I got through school the best I could, & even with my grades, which weren't amazing, I just about managed it. I was really proud of myself. I did 2 years at Barrow 6form & 1 year at Furness College. I know this might sound real cheesy & a bit pathetic, but it was at 6form that I learnt the meaning of the word "friend" I was resitting my GCSE English & Maths as I didnt do great in school, but I did well enough to pass, & I also decided to do Art & Sociology.

On the first day of college we had to go through induction, get assigned to our social rooms & we were then shown around the college, & its one moment that sticks into my head, when I saw her in the library, my best friend, Katie Wearing. she was with some oldish woman & when she saw me looking, she smiled & I got all nervous & looked away ha! I later learnt that she was in my Art & Sociology class.. I didnt say much to her for a few weeks, I just watched her, especially in Art, I was fascinated with her drawings & stuff! I really wanted to talk to her but couldnt bring myself to do it. Then when we had our first Sociology lesson, I was sat with my friends from school & we were messing about.. & the tutor, Judy, was talking about something or other & she picked me to read from one of the chapters in the book we all had... I totally froze, I have always slightly struggled with my reading, especially out loud, so when she asked me to read out loud, I said no, & she just looked at me with a shocked look on her face & asked me why & I just kept saying no I dont want too.. she then raised her voice slightly & asked me to read it again, infront of the whole class, so the truth came out, I told her that I struggle with my reading! this of course caused sniggers & giggles from other students (dicks) but the look on Judy's face after I said that is something I will never forget.. she looked so apologetic! she excused herself from the class & took me outside, immediately she apologised for putting me in that position infront of everyone & she suggested that I sat with Katie & her teaching assistant for if I needed help reading! & well thats were our friendship began........ & when I decided that I really liked my Sociology teacher 

Me & Katie got to know each other & I even sat with her in our art classes! we got really close. to the point were I started seeing her outside of college! & when I turned 17, my first alcoholic drink was with Katie in Yates' & then from then on we kinda started going out together every weekend! i'd stop over at her flat, & then when we had Sociology, we'd fill Judy in on our nights out after class! ;) It was through Katie, that I also met a guy that is very special to me, my very good friend Lee! & then later on, I met my now husband through her too! we did two years together at 6form building memories. 6form is definetely my most favorite memories! along with summer 2006, when I moved into Katie's flat & practically lived with her! we decided to do some summer classes. The first week we did Italian & then I think the second week we did Video Club.. she introduced me to Dirty Dancing & we'd literally spend EVERY evening watching it, copying it word for word! so you see, Katie really is the most truest & bestest friend I have ever had, I can talk to her about anything, even now, we sit whatsapping until stupid olock in the morning! & she just totally gets me, she always has!

there is just one thing that I wish had never happened between us! :( when I had my son in 2010, I totally destroyed everything between us! I was suffering from really bad Post Natal Depression after I had Joel, but I wasnt diagnosed until he was 8 months old & by that point all the damage was done, I had killed our friendship. :( BUT four months after my diagnoses, I got the courage to message Katie & she actually spoke to me, why? after everything, I do not know? but I am so glad she did, because ever since then we have been building our friendship up again! its been almost five years, but I will forever feel guilty for what I did to her! I dont think anything will ever stop that.. but I am learning to accept the past now & not let it  ruin my future, & i'm hoping that my future will have Katie in it.

The past few weeks I have been feeling sooo close to Katie again, & I really dont want that feeling to go away ever again, I actually feel like my heart is slowly starting to healing again, because, & I may sound a tad "dramatic" here, but I was truly shattered & lost when what happened did & I lost her friendship! & I truly do believe that if a friendship is meant to be then no matter what hurdles get in the way, somehow everything will all work out, & it has! it has took a long time, but with a lot of hard work, I think me & Katie are finally back on the good road? & i'm really excited for the furture, especially now that she is in my future! I have alot of special memories with Katie, & I am hoping that sometime very soon we can make some new ones.

I love you Katie. <3