Sunday, 11 January 2015
Diary post #72. "I don't know how depression took over me, it just did"
so recently I have found myself feeling better than ever mood wise!
this year I am determined to get back to were I was a year ago, having my daughter & my post natal depression resurfacing has knocked me off course slightly, but I am slowly fighting back & along the way I have learnt a lot of things & as you do when shit happens, I have also come to realize who I can & cannot lean on in my time of need..
I don't put my depression about & advertise it for attention. I talk about my depression because it helps me to cope. I expect my friends to stand by me & support me, not stab me in the back when they're having a bad time & make me out to look like i've gone nuts. I don't know how depression took over me, it just did & everyday I fight this fight to beat it..
so I have made a pact with myself & have decided that from now, I will no longer accociate with people who "pretend" to be my friend & "support me" when really they don't give a shit & never did. I am STRONGER than I was because I have fought to get where I am today, I don't need others dragging me down because they feel lousy about themselves & their life.
no longer am I going to dwell on the past & let the negativity in! I am not were I was, but I am also not quite were I want to be just yet. although I can definetely say; now that I have rid of certain people from my life, there is no longer anything or anyone stopping me getting better & eventually beating depression! people say that a depressed person cant be friends with another depressed person but in my eyes thats bollocks, unless of course the other person is so hell bent on being miserable it starts to affect you too! I don't have time for people like that.. some people might not want to help themselves, but I certainly do, & as of now, there is no stopping me! one day I will beat depression, but until then, I know I have the people around me that I know for a FACT I can lean on & talk to when I need them without them using it against me.
Lesson learnt: stay away from people with 40 faces.